Have you tried to sit in front of your laptop, with headphones on, stare at the computer screen showing a movie you actually don't like or doesn't care about?

You watch it hoping it will make you cry. But it is not about the movie.
It is the scenarios in your head you hope too forget.

Weird is there are parts of the movie that suddenly come interconnected with the scenarios in your head which makes you swallow air, then the pain in your chest grows bigger and bigger..

You want to cry but there's nothing there.
Memories play...
Play..

If you want to leave, just leave.
Don't bid goodbye.

Not A Love Letter

I have known you in a way I am well aware I would not let myself know someone again.
You asked me why I never looked into your eyes. I guess, I know this thing won't last.

I remember how you pulled my chin just so I would look at you. But I refuse to do so.
The same way my heart refuse to fall, deeply.

We walked for a long time. Talked about nonsense to deep ones until we reached the climax.
Pushed each other until we gave up.

You said I should not stay too close to a drowning man.
You were right about that. But you have forgotten one thing:
I already got drowned the moment I saw you.

Now I am here sitting, thinking about "The Planet of the Apes".
Of course, I am kidding. You are in my mind.
That I am already letting go, now.

I will never forget when we had a "sweet" dinner in MOA.
How we had a "romantic" breakfast.
Of course, the exceptional vomit came through my mouth while we're in the jeep.
How you calm me and took care of my vomit.
How you graciously throw it along with the other trash.
Same as what happened to this sweet, romantic, exceptional relationship of ours.

I vomited, you took care of it, then throw in the trash.
I am sorry for vomiting Love. Yours, I may add.

Au revoir.